Not 2

It appears that this is not my miracle and is either option number one or three. Despite the fact that my Beta rose to six-sixty-something (not sure of the last digit) on Wednesday, it was only 958 today. Not continuing to double, not a "normal" pregnancy. Dr. M said it's 50/50 right now whether this is a chemical pregnancy "continuing to hold on" or an ectopic.

We did a scan on Wednesday and he couldn't see any evidence of an ectopic. He didn't see anything in my uterus, either. I go in Monday morning for another scan and more blood work to see what is going on. He said even if we don't see anything Monday and my numbers are continuing to rise, he will just give me a shot of Methotrexate, which I would really like to avoid if possible. For now, we remain in limbo, but at least with the knowledge, once again, that this is not going to turn out well.

Logically, I shouldn't be as upset as I am. It was a chemical. I processed and grieved that and was starting to come out of my funk. But then that little glimmer of hope came in. And, emotionally, I am processing it all again.

I know that we are lucky. We have been able to explore this path and, hopefully, will be able to continue. But, it really doesn't make the hurt less thinking I will probably not give birth to our baby.

In WTF news, we went ahead with that meeting on Wednesday. Dr. M said he doesn't think egg quality is our issue. He thinks it is a uterine issue and a gestational surrogate is the way to go. If only we had a money tree outside. We are basically already a gestational surrogate into this, dollarwise, and just can't afford to go that route right now--unless we could find someone willing to be a surrogate for us without using an agency. While my sister-in-law and a couple friends have hypothetically offered, it is now real and I just don't feel comfortable asking that question.

I asked about IVIg and he referred me to a rheumatologist that he works with (he's not such a fan of reproductive immunologists) to see what he has to say. I also went ahead and sent my records to the Beer Center to see what they think.

So, we'll explore the immune aspect and, if we think it is worth it/warranted, give it one more shot with the addition of IVIg. And then we'll go from there...