I went in to have me E2 and P4 checked on Monday, per CCRM's request. I snuck a Beta in, too, in light of the fact that I had some light pink spotting last week. My nurse called me Monday afternoon and said "well, your numbers went down" and then proceeded to tell me my E2 and P4 numbers. I asked what my HCG was and she said 4,684. She initially said that although both had dropped, which was concerning, they were above where they wanted them to be and we should just retest my numbers on the 11th when I had my ultrasound, but I pushed to go back sooner based on my history and we ultimately settled on testing again today. After freaking out a bit, I called Dr. M and he put my mind at ease and said he wasn't concerned at all.
So, I tried to put the fear aside. And it worked, somewhat, until I went to the bathroom yesterday morning and saw blood. I quickly went back to my office and called B and proceeded to start crying, which is awesome given that my office wall is all glass. I decided to leave work and called and left a message for CCRM on my way home. To make a long story short, CCRM said to continue on my meds and get an ultrasound if I could. I called Dr. M's office and ultimately talked to him and he said I needed to change progesterone forms and he called a PIO prescription in for me. He also said he would scan me this morning when I came in for blood.
Needless to say, yesterday afternoon/night was awful. B and I were heartbroken. Although the bleeding tapered off, I still believed my body had killed another embryo. I had an overwhelming feeling of dread going in this morning for the ultrasound--I told B I felt like he was driving me to the executioner. But then, the ultrasound wand went in and there were two sacs. Both have yolk sacs. To say I am in shock is an understatement. My HCG came back today and more than doubled since Monday. My progesterone is back up to normal, but my estrogen dropped again. However, it is still above where it needs to be and Dr. S said it's OK and just to test next week when I have my next ultrasound. I am just hoping and praying that we'll have heartbeat(s) then.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
4w3d
Yes, the title says it all. When I last left here I was basking in the hope of my 2 normal embryos. We transferred both of them on 1/15/10 (both survived, fully expanded, and one was hatching at the time of transfer) and I got a positive HPT six days later.
My first Beta was on Sunday and was 160. Yesterday afternoon, after an agonizing day of waiting for results from my second Beta, I learned that it had more than doubled to 383.
We are happy, but cautious. This has never turned out well for us before and it's hard to believe that it will this time. But, we know that we transferred two MA normal embryos and I have never had a Beta double perfectly. I go back for more blood on Monday and then my first ultrasound will be around 2/11/10. I'm hoping I can keep my sanity until then.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Dreaming
I had a dream last night that we had a baby girl. In my dream, B asked me if I was happy with a girl and my response was, "I'm just happy we had a baby."
I drove to work this morning and had a feeling that I would get results today. It made me sad thinking that I would then have to tell B my dream couldn't come true.
My cell phone rang a couple times this morning and my heart dropped each time, but it wasn't CCRM either time. But then it rang again. And it was CCRM. I answered and it was Dr. Surrey. After asking how I was, he said "you don't have to sound so terrified." He then said, "As you know, we biopsied 3 embryos." I couldn't believe he was going through background, I just wanted to know. But then he said "and 2 are normal."
I am still in shock. I was praying for one normal and really expected for them all to be abnormal.
Of course, this doesn't answer any questions as to why I keep miscarrying. So, before we transfer I am going to see an immunologist/rheumatologist that Dr. M recommended. His first appointment wasn't until mid-November, which isn't that far away. Until then I am going to back in the hope of my 2 normals.
I drove to work this morning and had a feeling that I would get results today. It made me sad thinking that I would then have to tell B my dream couldn't come true.
My cell phone rang a couple times this morning and my heart dropped each time, but it wasn't CCRM either time. But then it rang again. And it was CCRM. I answered and it was Dr. Surrey. After asking how I was, he said "you don't have to sound so terrified." He then said, "As you know, we biopsied 3 embryos." I couldn't believe he was going through background, I just wanted to know. But then he said "and 2 are normal."
I am still in shock. I was praying for one normal and really expected for them all to be abnormal.
Of course, this doesn't answer any questions as to why I keep miscarrying. So, before we transfer I am going to see an immunologist/rheumatologist that Dr. M recommended. His first appointment wasn't until mid-November, which isn't that far away. Until then I am going to back in the hope of my 2 normals.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Waiting
I have written on each Monday in my calendar how many weeks it has been. I was somewhat surprised when I turned my calendar to Monday this week and saw "3 weeks." My thoughts were "already?" and "that's it?" at the same time. It seems like only yesterday that I was waiting to hear how many blasts had been biopsied, but it also seems like an eternity ago.
The wait has really not been bad. Sure, my cell phone will ring during the day and my heart drops thinking "this is it." But, I am not dwelling or obsessing over it. However, I did find out that results came in at 3w3d for a girl whose biopsies were sent out exactly a week before mine. 3w3d? That's today. I don't think I am ready for the news. I really like this safe place of limbo.
I am guessing that I will get the results sometime in the next week. I am hopeful and sick about it at the same time. I just really want good news for once.
The wait has really not been bad. Sure, my cell phone will ring during the day and my heart drops thinking "this is it." But, I am not dwelling or obsessing over it. However, I did find out that results came in at 3w3d for a girl whose biopsies were sent out exactly a week before mine. 3w3d? That's today. I don't think I am ready for the news. I really like this safe place of limbo.
I am guessing that I will get the results sometime in the next week. I am hopeful and sick about it at the same time. I just really want good news for once.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Surfacing
I did go to Colorado, we did end up with blasts to test. But, it certainly wasn't easy, although it was quick, getting there.
I went to Dr. M's office on that Friday for scan/blood. The scan showed three follicles growing on my right (at 18 (!), 14, and 14) and one on my left at 11ish. I had two super small ones, one on each side, that hadn't grown. The cyst, thank goodness, had not grown, either. Later that day, I found out my E2 was 625, which is crazy high for me after only 4 days of stims. When I talked to my nurse at CCRM that afternoon, she gave me a heads up that we would probably be triggering sooner than expected (Sunday or Monday) based on that lead follicle at 18.
We left for CO the next afternoon. B originally intended to come out there with me on Saturday, do his frozen back-up Monday morning, and fly back home Monday afternoon so he could be at an important presentation on Tuesday. However, based on my nurse advising that it was possible we would trigger Sunday, we had to plan accordingly. So, we left not really knowing when we were coming home and if B would make his presentation.
We went to CCRM Sunday morning for blood/scan. The scan showed basically the same (three on the left, one on the right with a few smaller ones). I asked the nurse that was there that day to call my cell as soon as she knew what was going on and told her that, if at all possible, I wanted to trigger Monday. B and I went back to the hotel for a little while and then decided to go hiking. We drove up to the Red Rock area and started hiking--it was a beautiful day, 80 degrees and sunny. I hiked with my phone in my hand, constantly checking to see whether I had service. When I hadn't heard from the nurse at 1:30, I made B turn around on the hike and head back to an area where I did have service. I ultimately reached her and she told me that I was triggering at 10 pm that night for a Tuesday morning retrieval. I felt quite defeated and we ended our hike early. Thank goodness because by the time we got back to the hotel it was raining pretty hard.
Sunday night consisted of watching football, rearranging flights, canceling our hotel after Wednesday, and B talking to his partner to let him know he would not be at the presentation.
Monday morning I got up and got ready to go to CCRM for blood, my IVF physical (which had to be done that day, obviously), and genetic counseling. B decided he was going to stay at the hotel and work, so I went alone. It was raining and pretty cold when I got there. However, I was pretty surprised when the genetic counselor came back into the room after stepping out during our meeting and told me that it was snowing! The only major thing that morning, was the GC telling me that their protocol is to do PBB when someone has less than 6 fertilized embryos. I knew that we would have less than 6 fertilized embryos, and I told her that we were going to blast no matter what. I didn't go all the way to CCRM to do PBB. I had to sign some consents because of that, but she was fine with it.
The retrieval on Tuesday was fine, once I got used to the fact that Dr. Surrey wouldn't be doing the retrieval. Dr. Gustafson did it and he seemed nice enough. Dr. Surrey did come see me in my drugged haze afterwards and told me that we had 6 eggs. I was pleasantly surprised with that. Imagine my surprise with the embryologist came by and told B and I that there were actually 7! Recovery from the retrieval was, as usual, easy and we flew home late that night.
Wednesday morning I learned that 4 of the 7 had been mature and all 4 fertilized. None of the others had matured overnight. On day 3, I was advised that all 4 were looking good and were 8 cells. At that point I felt pretty confident that we would have 2 blasts, which I was fine with. I just really wanted more than one, so that I didn't only have an "answer" for one embryo.
On Monday of this week, I heard that they had biopsied 3(!) blasts. They had biopsied one on day 5-a 4BB, and two more on day 6-a 4BB and a 2/3. The fourth had apparently made it to early blast, but then stopped growing, so we almost had 4. I am pretty happy with 3, though.
We had a regroup with Surrey yesterday. Basically, he said our embryos looked great on day 3 and the blasts certainly could result in a pregnancy. He seemed pleased with the outcome and said stimming that fast is normal on Saizen. He said he would call as soon as he receives the Microarray results, but to call him in mid-November if I still haven't heard. He said "hopefully we'll have one or more to transfer, but there is a possibility that all will be abnormal."
So, now we wait. And at the end of this, at the very least, we'll hopefully have an answer.
I went to Dr. M's office on that Friday for scan/blood. The scan showed three follicles growing on my right (at 18 (!), 14, and 14) and one on my left at 11ish. I had two super small ones, one on each side, that hadn't grown. The cyst, thank goodness, had not grown, either. Later that day, I found out my E2 was 625, which is crazy high for me after only 4 days of stims. When I talked to my nurse at CCRM that afternoon, she gave me a heads up that we would probably be triggering sooner than expected (Sunday or Monday) based on that lead follicle at 18.
We left for CO the next afternoon. B originally intended to come out there with me on Saturday, do his frozen back-up Monday morning, and fly back home Monday afternoon so he could be at an important presentation on Tuesday. However, based on my nurse advising that it was possible we would trigger Sunday, we had to plan accordingly. So, we left not really knowing when we were coming home and if B would make his presentation.
We went to CCRM Sunday morning for blood/scan. The scan showed basically the same (three on the left, one on the right with a few smaller ones). I asked the nurse that was there that day to call my cell as soon as she knew what was going on and told her that, if at all possible, I wanted to trigger Monday. B and I went back to the hotel for a little while and then decided to go hiking. We drove up to the Red Rock area and started hiking--it was a beautiful day, 80 degrees and sunny. I hiked with my phone in my hand, constantly checking to see whether I had service. When I hadn't heard from the nurse at 1:30, I made B turn around on the hike and head back to an area where I did have service. I ultimately reached her and she told me that I was triggering at 10 pm that night for a Tuesday morning retrieval. I felt quite defeated and we ended our hike early. Thank goodness because by the time we got back to the hotel it was raining pretty hard.
Sunday night consisted of watching football, rearranging flights, canceling our hotel after Wednesday, and B talking to his partner to let him know he would not be at the presentation.
Monday morning I got up and got ready to go to CCRM for blood, my IVF physical (which had to be done that day, obviously), and genetic counseling. B decided he was going to stay at the hotel and work, so I went alone. It was raining and pretty cold when I got there. However, I was pretty surprised when the genetic counselor came back into the room after stepping out during our meeting and told me that it was snowing! The only major thing that morning, was the GC telling me that their protocol is to do PBB when someone has less than 6 fertilized embryos. I knew that we would have less than 6 fertilized embryos, and I told her that we were going to blast no matter what. I didn't go all the way to CCRM to do PBB. I had to sign some consents because of that, but she was fine with it.
The retrieval on Tuesday was fine, once I got used to the fact that Dr. Surrey wouldn't be doing the retrieval. Dr. Gustafson did it and he seemed nice enough. Dr. Surrey did come see me in my drugged haze afterwards and told me that we had 6 eggs. I was pleasantly surprised with that. Imagine my surprise with the embryologist came by and told B and I that there were actually 7! Recovery from the retrieval was, as usual, easy and we flew home late that night.
Wednesday morning I learned that 4 of the 7 had been mature and all 4 fertilized. None of the others had matured overnight. On day 3, I was advised that all 4 were looking good and were 8 cells. At that point I felt pretty confident that we would have 2 blasts, which I was fine with. I just really wanted more than one, so that I didn't only have an "answer" for one embryo.
On Monday of this week, I heard that they had biopsied 3(!) blasts. They had biopsied one on day 5-a 4BB, and two more on day 6-a 4BB and a 2/3. The fourth had apparently made it to early blast, but then stopped growing, so we almost had 4. I am pretty happy with 3, though.
We had a regroup with Surrey yesterday. Basically, he said our embryos looked great on day 3 and the blasts certainly could result in a pregnancy. He seemed pleased with the outcome and said stimming that fast is normal on Saizen. He said he would call as soon as he receives the Microarray results, but to call him in mid-November if I still haven't heard. He said "hopefully we'll have one or more to transfer, but there is a possibility that all will be abnormal."
So, now we wait. And at the end of this, at the very least, we'll hopefully have an answer.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Stimulating
Again, catch up.
FSH was 10.1 and I got the all clear to start the pill. I took the pill for 13 days and spotted for the last 8 of those days. I saw Dr. M on Thursday of last week for a scan/blood. Still had the cyst, still the same size, but got the all clear to start lupron on Saturday, although with the caveat that it was a possibility that the cyst could grow and we would have to cancel the cycle.
So, I started lupron and saizen on Saturday and started stims today (5 shots a day, a record for me). I go back to Dr. M's office (he'll be out of town so, I am seeing another RE in the office) Friday for another scan/blood. If the cyst isn't wreaking havoc, I leave for CO on Saturday and tentative retrieval is the 25th.
Part of me is excited that we are finally getting the show on the road and the other part is in denial and waiting for this cycle to be cancelled. I hope that part of me doesn't win.
FSH was 10.1 and I got the all clear to start the pill. I took the pill for 13 days and spotted for the last 8 of those days. I saw Dr. M on Thursday of last week for a scan/blood. Still had the cyst, still the same size, but got the all clear to start lupron on Saturday, although with the caveat that it was a possibility that the cyst could grow and we would have to cancel the cycle.
So, I started lupron and saizen on Saturday and started stims today (5 shots a day, a record for me). I go back to Dr. M's office (he'll be out of town so, I am seeing another RE in the office) Friday for another scan/blood. If the cyst isn't wreaking havoc, I leave for CO on Saturday and tentative retrieval is the 25th.
Part of me is excited that we are finally getting the show on the road and the other part is in denial and waiting for this cycle to be cancelled. I hope that part of me doesn't win.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Catch Up
A lot has happened since my last post. I keep meaning to write a new post, but my nights get away from me and I don't want to post from my office.
So....we had our re-group with Surrey last week. A few days before that, I got a call from my RN to let me know my AMH number. It was not so good, a .6. So, I freaked out and proceeded to second-guess myself and wonder whether it was even worth it to do another cycle with my eggs. After reading a couple success stories of women that had lower AMH levels, I started to feel a little better. Our re-group was pretty uneventful. The only thing new we discussed was the protocol that he was going to put me on--Microdose Lupron. At our one-day he had mentioned an Estrogen Priming Protocol so, I questioned this and voiced my concerns about being on the pill and lupron. He said he thought this was the best for me and I chose to trust him.
I had my endometrial biopsy last Friday. It was not anywhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be and my results came back normal today. So, that is something good.
I also had my day 2 blood drawn and an ultrasound to check the cyst on my left ovary this morning. Dr. M did the ultrasound and the cyst was still there--he said "oh you mean this cyst that has been here forever?" He said he didn't think that would stop us from proceeding and he was right, I got the all clear from Dr. Surrey to go ahead and start the BCP tomorrow. I should get my blood results tomorrow and hopefully my FSH won't be crazy high (which, he says is 15) and we can actually proceed.
I will be on the pill for 13 days, take a day off and then go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood on the 10th. If that is OK, I will start lupron on the 12th and stims on the 14th.
I am looking forward to getting going with this cycle, but it terrifies me at the same time. I am living in a constant state of self-doubt these days. Wondering whether this is the right thing to do, whether it will be a waste of time and money, whether the protocol is right, etc., etc. I know I have to trust in the doctors--CCRM is, after all, the top clinic in the country. I guess I am just scared because this really is it for us with my eggs.
So....we had our re-group with Surrey last week. A few days before that, I got a call from my RN to let me know my AMH number. It was not so good, a .6. So, I freaked out and proceeded to second-guess myself and wonder whether it was even worth it to do another cycle with my eggs. After reading a couple success stories of women that had lower AMH levels, I started to feel a little better. Our re-group was pretty uneventful. The only thing new we discussed was the protocol that he was going to put me on--Microdose Lupron. At our one-day he had mentioned an Estrogen Priming Protocol so, I questioned this and voiced my concerns about being on the pill and lupron. He said he thought this was the best for me and I chose to trust him.
I had my endometrial biopsy last Friday. It was not anywhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be and my results came back normal today. So, that is something good.
I also had my day 2 blood drawn and an ultrasound to check the cyst on my left ovary this morning. Dr. M did the ultrasound and the cyst was still there--he said "oh you mean this cyst that has been here forever?" He said he didn't think that would stop us from proceeding and he was right, I got the all clear from Dr. Surrey to go ahead and start the BCP tomorrow. I should get my blood results tomorrow and hopefully my FSH won't be crazy high (which, he says is 15) and we can actually proceed.
I will be on the pill for 13 days, take a day off and then go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood on the 10th. If that is OK, I will start lupron on the 12th and stims on the 14th.
I am looking forward to getting going with this cycle, but it terrifies me at the same time. I am living in a constant state of self-doubt these days. Wondering whether this is the right thing to do, whether it will be a waste of time and money, whether the protocol is right, etc., etc. I know I have to trust in the doctors--CCRM is, after all, the top clinic in the country. I guess I am just scared because this really is it for us with my eggs.
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