A lot has happened since my last post. I keep meaning to write a new post, but my nights get away from me and I don't want to post from my office.
So....we had our re-group with Surrey last week. A few days before that, I got a call from my RN to let me know my AMH number. It was not so good, a .6. So, I freaked out and proceeded to second-guess myself and wonder whether it was even worth it to do another cycle with my eggs. After reading a couple success stories of women that had lower AMH levels, I started to feel a little better. Our re-group was pretty uneventful. The only thing new we discussed was the protocol that he was going to put me on--Microdose Lupron. At our one-day he had mentioned an Estrogen Priming Protocol so, I questioned this and voiced my concerns about being on the pill and lupron. He said he thought this was the best for me and I chose to trust him.
I had my endometrial biopsy last Friday. It was not anywhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be and my results came back normal today. So, that is something good.
I also had my day 2 blood drawn and an ultrasound to check the cyst on my left ovary this morning. Dr. M did the ultrasound and the cyst was still there--he said "oh you mean this cyst that has been here forever?" He said he didn't think that would stop us from proceeding and he was right, I got the all clear from Dr. Surrey to go ahead and start the BCP tomorrow. I should get my blood results tomorrow and hopefully my FSH won't be crazy high (which, he says is 15) and we can actually proceed.
I will be on the pill for 13 days, take a day off and then go in for a baseline ultrasound and blood on the 10th. If that is OK, I will start lupron on the 12th and stims on the 14th.
I am looking forward to getting going with this cycle, but it terrifies me at the same time. I am living in a constant state of self-doubt these days. Wondering whether this is the right thing to do, whether it will be a waste of time and money, whether the protocol is right, etc., etc. I know I have to trust in the doctors--CCRM is, after all, the top clinic in the country. I guess I am just scared because this really is it for us with my eggs.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Crap
I am sick of it. Sick of getting bad news. Sick of having my heart broken again and again. I don't understand why we can't catch a break.
Why do people who so deserve to have a baby have to be given the glimmer of opportunity, only to be shit upon once again?
My heat is broken for Mo and Sprog. I don't know them, and they certainly don't know me, but we are in this together and that counts for something.
Still, despite this crap of a week, we are in this together, and we will soldier on and, hopefully, survive.
Why do people who so deserve to have a baby have to be given the glimmer of opportunity, only to be shit upon once again?
My heat is broken for Mo and Sprog. I don't know them, and they certainly don't know me, but we are in this together and that counts for something.
Still, despite this crap of a week, we are in this together, and we will soldier on and, hopefully, survive.
Friday, August 7, 2009
One-Day Whirlwind
I am exhausted, but we survived.
Our flight left at 8 pm on Tuesday night, we got to our hotel in CO a little after midnight. We were in bed by 1. We had to be at CCRM at 7:30. At about 5 am a cell phone started ringing, it sounded like it was in our room, and was the same ring that I use for B's calls on my phone. It wasn't my phone or B, who was in bed asleep next to me. It kept ringing every 15 minutes for the next hour, until I finally got up at 6.
We had a quick breakfast at our hotel before we left for CCRM. I watched the plane with Euna Lee and Laura Ling land and their family greet them live, and I sobbed in the lobby of the hotel.
Got to CCRM right on time. It is amazing--so big. A bastion of infertility in the middle of nowhere.
Our first appt. was ultrasound/doppler at 7:30. It took about 10 minutes and everything looked great, except for the cyst I have on the left.
Next was the hysteroscopy. Met Surrey in person for the first time, talked about LA, he did the procedure and said everything looked great.
We then had our sit-down with him. We discussed that my embryos look good, the tests that we had done (all looked good so far), were going to do, the two protocols that he is considering for me, and timing. He said we should have a follow-up phone consult in a couple weeks once all results are in.
Next was B's turn for fun. I asked him movie or magazine. He said movie and he thinks he has seen it before.
We then met with the genetic counselor. She recognized that we weren't newbies and we had a quick conversation about our options, statistics, etc.
Next was our nurse consult. She acknowledged that we knew what we were doing and we combined the two consults, that are supposed to be an hour each, into one meeting that lasted about 30 min.
Next was the Business Office. She commented on the number of cycles we had done. We went over prices for everything (!) and discussed the insurance coverage that we have left.
Finally, we had the consent review. Again, a comment, questions, and shock expressed about how many cycles we had done. We finished the consents in about 15 minutes--she said she normally has to give them to people to take home because it takes so long.
We were then done with CCRM--a little over an hour early--and had a couple hours to kill before my HSG across the street at the Hospital. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I rewarded myself with a mini Margarita. We discussed the fact that the morning had gone well and the only thing I was shocked with was everybody's shock at how experienced we were and how many cycles we had done. I figured that CCRM would be used to having people who have been through the infertility wringer.
After lunch we headed to the hospital for my HSG ( I figured it would be easiest to get it done when out there). B was exhausted and I told him to sleep, so I went in by myself. A nurse came and got me and took me back. Once we were in the room she started to give me the drill and was really out of breath. I asked her if she was ok, she said "yes, i am just pregnant and he is sitting on my lungs." I would pay money to see what my expression was at that moment....
The HSG was fine. Apparently, both tubes are clear, which is odd. They had problems with the left and I told them that it was pinned down, but then it started flowing.
After my HSG, we had about 7 hours before our flight. B would have been fine taking a nap in the car and then going straight to the airport, but damn it, we paid the money to come to Denver, we might as well see it. So, we drove aimlessly toward downtown. We didn't really know we were going, or anything about downtown Denver, but we ended up parking the car and walking around. We got the dog a new collar and leash and had appetizers and some wine and a really good/cute restaurant. It was, actually, a really nice way to end the day.
We didn't get home until 11:30, and I am tired, but it will hopefully all be worth it one day.
Our flight left at 8 pm on Tuesday night, we got to our hotel in CO a little after midnight. We were in bed by 1. We had to be at CCRM at 7:30. At about 5 am a cell phone started ringing, it sounded like it was in our room, and was the same ring that I use for B's calls on my phone. It wasn't my phone or B, who was in bed asleep next to me. It kept ringing every 15 minutes for the next hour, until I finally got up at 6.
We had a quick breakfast at our hotel before we left for CCRM. I watched the plane with Euna Lee and Laura Ling land and their family greet them live, and I sobbed in the lobby of the hotel.
Got to CCRM right on time. It is amazing--so big. A bastion of infertility in the middle of nowhere.
Our first appt. was ultrasound/doppler at 7:30. It took about 10 minutes and everything looked great, except for the cyst I have on the left.
Next was the hysteroscopy. Met Surrey in person for the first time, talked about LA, he did the procedure and said everything looked great.
We then had our sit-down with him. We discussed that my embryos look good, the tests that we had done (all looked good so far), were going to do, the two protocols that he is considering for me, and timing. He said we should have a follow-up phone consult in a couple weeks once all results are in.
Next was B's turn for fun. I asked him movie or magazine. He said movie and he thinks he has seen it before.
We then met with the genetic counselor. She recognized that we weren't newbies and we had a quick conversation about our options, statistics, etc.
Next was our nurse consult. She acknowledged that we knew what we were doing and we combined the two consults, that are supposed to be an hour each, into one meeting that lasted about 30 min.
Next was the Business Office. She commented on the number of cycles we had done. We went over prices for everything (!) and discussed the insurance coverage that we have left.
Finally, we had the consent review. Again, a comment, questions, and shock expressed about how many cycles we had done. We finished the consents in about 15 minutes--she said she normally has to give them to people to take home because it takes so long.
We were then done with CCRM--a little over an hour early--and had a couple hours to kill before my HSG across the street at the Hospital. We went to a Mexican restaurant and I rewarded myself with a mini Margarita. We discussed the fact that the morning had gone well and the only thing I was shocked with was everybody's shock at how experienced we were and how many cycles we had done. I figured that CCRM would be used to having people who have been through the infertility wringer.
After lunch we headed to the hospital for my HSG ( I figured it would be easiest to get it done when out there). B was exhausted and I told him to sleep, so I went in by myself. A nurse came and got me and took me back. Once we were in the room she started to give me the drill and was really out of breath. I asked her if she was ok, she said "yes, i am just pregnant and he is sitting on my lungs." I would pay money to see what my expression was at that moment....
The HSG was fine. Apparently, both tubes are clear, which is odd. They had problems with the left and I told them that it was pinned down, but then it started flowing.
After my HSG, we had about 7 hours before our flight. B would have been fine taking a nap in the car and then going straight to the airport, but damn it, we paid the money to come to Denver, we might as well see it. So, we drove aimlessly toward downtown. We didn't really know we were going, or anything about downtown Denver, but we ended up parking the car and walking around. We got the dog a new collar and leash and had appetizers and some wine and a really good/cute restaurant. It was, actually, a really nice way to end the day.
We didn't get home until 11:30, and I am tired, but it will hopefully all be worth it one day.
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