What next?

At this point, we were about $35,000 into this and I knew that we couldn't keep going on forever. I thought now might be the time to seek a second opinion. What was happening? Why did I keep implanting and losing it? So, we went to see another doctor. Dr. S was a very famous Beverly Hills RE. I had heard mixed opinions about him. Dr. S. basically suggested that we try IVF again, this time with PGD and he was quite confident. He did was to perform recurrent miscarriage tests to see if anything came up. I left that meeting quite confused as to what to do. Dr. Jan's office was so warm and caring and I felt that Dr. Jan had a vested interest in our success. I felt like I would be just another patient to Dr. S., on the other hand. So, in the end, we decided to give Dr. Jan one more shot.

All the recurrent miscarriage tests, except for a NK assay--which Dr. Jan claimed was b-shit, were performed in early June and all the results came back normal. So, no answer as to what was causing my miscarriages and without the results from the karyotype of the fetus, Dr. Jan was pushing PGD. PGD terrified me--not only did it add $5,000 to the cost, but it was messing with the embryos, and would require a day-4 transfer, something new for us. In the end, we decided to proceed.

After a brief scare where we thought I would have to have surgery because my right ovary had multiple cysts (that were ultimately resolved with the bc pill), we aspirated the remaining endometrioma and were on our way. This cycle was different, though. I wasn't emotionally investing in it, at all. It was like I was distancing everything I had to do in order to protect myself from what I believed would be the outcome. Everytime I walked into Dr. Jan's office, I got this overwhelming sense of dread--just the smell drove me crazy now.

To make a long story short, 6 eggs were retrieved, 5 fertilized. However, only 4 were dividing on day 2, which was July 4th. We had a decision to make--PGD or not? After talking to Dr. Jan, we decided to do the PGD. The morning of the transfer, Dr. Jan called and advised that there were two normal embryos to transfer. So, off we went. When we got there, though, it appeared we may have three as the results on one of them was inconclusive. After much discussion and trying to get ahold of the dr. that did the PGD with no luck, we ended up transferring all three. We told Dr. Jan we didn't want to know the sexes if they were all the same--which he said they were and that the abnormal embryos were the other sex. He also told me that one of the abnormal embryos would have Turner Syndrome. I ended up googling Turner Syndrome and discovering that we had transferred three boys--I was ecstatic and so was B. Now, at least one just needed to stick.

B was leaving on his annual guys' golf trip on a Sat. morning, 7dp5dt, and would be gone for the Beta. I decided to take a test that morning. I took it and quickly covered it while he was in the shower and told him to look when he got out. What do you know--he said "there's two lines." I was so happy, but B said "please don't get too excited." I decided that I would not take another test and would just be happy with that one. However, the lure of the stick was too strong and I ultimately took another one a few days later--it was no darker. I knew where this was headed, and was devastated. B was out of town and I didn't know what to do with myself.

Beta day came and I was sick to my stomach as I walked into Dr. Jan's office. My fears ultimately became reality--my initial Beta was 29, the next day it was 28, and the next day it was 15--another chemical, miscarriage #3. What now??