IVF #1

We took a loan out on B's 401(k) to pay for the aspiration/IVF (about $15,000) and four days later I began my stims. I didn't respond that well at first and my drugs were increased. After 11 days of drugs, we proceeded to retrieval and only 6 eggs were retrieved. We were disappointed and Dr. Jan explained that we would probably have to do a 3-day transfer as there wouldn't be enough to grow to blast. However, all 6 fertilized and then 5 divided and grew, so we ended up going to blast. We arrived at Dr. Jan's office on transfer day and were informed that there were 3 blasts. Dr. Jan recommended transferring all 3 so we could increase my odds of getting pregnant due to my severe endometriosis, which would likely affect implantation. He then left so we could discuss. As soon as he left, B said, "so we are transferring two?" He was terrified of having triplets. I told him I would prefer to transfer 3 as I didn't want to get a BFN and then wonder what if. So, he agreed and we transferred 3 blasts. I was on bedrest for three days and then the dreaded two-week wait. My beta was to be on the Monday after Thanksgiving and I hadn't decided whether I would take a HPT or not. After the first week and going from being convinced I was pregnant to convinced it didn't work, I knew I had to take a test. So, Thanksgiving morning, I got up early and tested. It was the faintest positive you have ever seen. I woke B up to see what he thought. We were cautiously optimistic. We had a quiet Thanksgiving dinner with my parents and then B and my Dad left early Friday morning for Pebble Beach to play golf for the weekend. My Mom and I shopped and I tried to stay optimistic, but I continued to dwell on the faintness of the test. So, Saturday morning, I tested again. The line was exactly the same, not lighter, not darker. I didn't really know what that meant, so I bought a digital test and tested again on Sunday afternoon. When the word came up "pregnant" I was thrilled. When B got home that night, I showed him the pregnant test and we were excited. I went for my Beta the next morning and told Dr. Jan that I had taken a test and it was positive. He and all the girls in his office cheered and said they would call me with my results later that afternoon. When Lisa, my favorite nurse, called me that afternoon, she said it was positive. I asked what the number was and she said 29--I knew that wasn't good. She said to remain optimistic, continue my meds, and come back on Weds. for a second Beta.

Those two days were hell, but I tried to stay optimistic and frantically researched all low Betas that turned into RLBs. On Weds., my Beta had gone up to 31. B and I talked to Dr. Jan that afternoon and he said that it was probably a chemical pregnancy and that I should continue my meds and come in the following morning for another Beta.

I knew at that point it was over, and Thurs. was the confirmation--Beta came back at 25, it was going down. I was advised to stop all meds. and make an appt. with Dr. Jan for a consult to go over the cycle and where we would go from there.

I was so incredibly sad and distraught and it didn't help that very few people in my life knew what we were going through. B would try to comfort me and it would make it worse, I was prickly and confused and didn't know what to do.

After a couple weeks of feeling sorry for myself, I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and moved forward--on to IVF#2.