It's Over!

Our next appt. was March 30th at 10 a.m. I was going to my office first and planned to meet B at Dr. Jan's office. I was nervous and scared all morning and kept trying to tell myself NBHHY. As we sat and waited in the ultrasound room for the tech, my heart was pounding and I kept repeating to myself, "it's going to be OK." I was like I knew what was about to happen...

The tech came in and said "so this is your first scan?" I said, "well, under normal circumstances" and she proceeded. Dr. Jan and his NP came in the room and the scan began. Dr. Jan just stood and stared at the screen for a minute and everyone was silent until he said, "I am having trouble seeing a heartbeat." In that moment, my world came crashing down. He then took over and attempted for the next 5 minutes to find a heartbeat, turning on and off the sound. He ultimately found a very slow, sluggish heartbeat, but certainly not what it was supposed to be. I was also now measuring a full week behind. Basically, Dr. Jan said it was over, and we discussed our options--D&C vs. natural miscarriage. He suggested a D&C so that we could do genetic testing since it was now my second miscarriage. However, he wanted me to come back Monday morning to make sure it really was over before scheduling the D&C.

That was the worst weekend of my life. I still felt pregnant--in fact the most pregnant I had felt. To top it off, B's mom and step-dad were in town and stayed with us Sunday and Monday nights. So, I had to grieve in silence while trying to put on a happy hostess face for them. It was miserable.

The end was confirmed Monday morning and my D&C was scheduled for the next afternoon. We planned to have genetic testing in order to attempt to determine the cause of the miscarriage and hoped that would give us some sort of answer and plan of attack for our next round. Unfortunately, Dr. Jan called me the next week to inform me that they were unable to perform the genetic testing. I was upset and confused and needed some time off. He suggested I wait until I get my next period and then we perform some recurrent miscarriage tests to see if there was an issue with me.