Well, I am back after a three month break. And, in that time, I managed to fail IVF #4. I know I need to tell the story of the drama between #3 and #4, because there was plenty, as well as #4, but I can't right now.
Right now I just need to talk about where I am right now. It's not a good place. In fact, it's terrible. I feel like I am drowning--I am but a small piece of who I used to be. The worst part it I don't know if I will ever get the old C back. It has now been two years that we have been traveling down this road and I feel like we are farther away from obtaining our goal than we ever have been. I have absolutely no one IRL that I can talk to about this. Every single one of my friends is either pregnant or has a child (or, worse, both). Even those that have struggled with IF are not "safe" anymore because they now have a child and have seemingly forgotten what it is like to walk in my shoes. I got an e-mail yesterday announcing another pregnancy. I think that is what pushed me over the edge. Everybody else's life is moving on swimmingly while I am stuck treading water--trying not to drown. I don't know where to turn or what to do. So, I am turning to my blog. Hopefully airing my feelings will help somewhat.
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